Last Saturday, Kevin was working outside on our septic system...not quite how he wanted to spend the day, but it required his full focused attention. We live back against a woods, quite a distance off the road and down a long lane. Because of that, it is not uncommon for our kids to play outside by themselves...although we do check on them frequently.
I was inside showing Caedmon a new website for kids that I thought he might like to check out. It's called jcplayzone.com...a fun and safe site with activities & games for kids by Lutheran Hour Ministries.
Kaiya had just retrieved a glass bottle from inside and proclaimed that she was on a rock collecting mission. I didn't think anything of letting her go outside knowing that Kevin was outside as well.
As I was playing the Hyper velocity Racing Game on JCplayzone with Caedmon, Kevin came to the front door and asked if I knew where Kaiya was. He said he could hear her crying and it sounded like she was far away. I jumped up instantly and ran outside yelling her name. My first thought was that she wandered into the woods and got lost. We checked the vehicles in the garage, ran around the house and I began to panic. She turns three in a couple weeks, but the fact that she's still only two years old resonated in my mind. "God help us find her!"
Kevin kept calling her name, then spotted her at the end of our long lane walking back with our dog Barkley and crying her little heart out. I sprinted all the way down the lane and swept her up into my arms. She said "I got lost, mommy". I asked her if she went on the road and she said yes. Later when I asked her the same question, she said no. I'm thinking she stayed on our lane, but was right at the edge where the road is. I was glad that Barkley was with her, but at the end of the lane is a large deep ditch. She said she was beside the big hole.
Of course all the "what ifs" ran through my mind at that time. I was so grateful that she was safe and in my arms again. It reminded me of another time we lost one of our children. We were at the airport in Costa Rica saying goodbye to my brother-in-law and sister-in-law who were there as missionaries. Someone was holding Caedmon (only 15 months old at the time...he basically just learned to walk) and put him down to give goodbye hugs. Well, he wandered off a little and when I realized he wasn't with us I panicked...anxiously looking all around. We were right by the road and with the busyness of the airport, all I could think about was that he could have easily wandered out to the road. My stomach feels sick as I'm typing this right now.
One of our family members spotted him standing up against a building only a few feet away from us. I cried for the next hour straight.
My stories have ended with happy endings, but I know that others I have heard have not and my heart aches for you.
We are human and do the best that we can, but cannot possibly protect our children at all times. That's where our prayers and faith come in. The prayers of protection that I pray many days for my children and the faith I have that God is in control are what I cling to to fill in the gaps. These children are not my own, they are God's. It's a hard grip to let go of, but I must.
What would I do without my Kaiya!She's been singing the song "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" for the past couple of months. I finally got it on video.