Friday, July 24, 2009

yesterday's interview

Wanted to give a quick update on how our interview went yesterday. I wasn't feeling well most of the day and the knots in my stomach from feeling nervous about the interview didn't help. Thank you all for your prayers, emails & messages of encouragement!!! I know without a doubt that the prayers are what got me through...certainly not on my own strength. I am so weak but He is strong!

The meeting flowed much like the one we had last week. It felt good to kind of know what to expect. This birth mother was more interactive and we appreciated hearing from her heart...hearing her voice, looking into her eyes. We both felt good about how it went. Of course I analyzed everything I said and didn't say when it was all said and done.

It's a pretty humbling experience sitting in front of the woman who may be carrying your child. Such a mixture of emotions...wondering what she thought of me, of us, of our family...seeing her pain and great courage & humbling...humbling beyond words.

Kevin and I talked about it all the way home. It was kind of nice to have that hour and a half drive all to ourselves...each of us sharing our thoughts and feelings. About fifteen minutes after we left, Kevin's phone rang. It was the agency. They had talked with the birth mother after we left. She was happy with how the meeting went as well and stated that she wanted to move forward with US!!!!!

We were elated and in seemed so surreal to us that the pieces were coming together once again for another adoption. At the same time, there is still the wall of protection surrounding our hearts from the pain we've gone through this year already...but, we will continue to trust the ONE that is in control...the ONE that knows what His best plans are for our lives. He is so faithful and good!!!

This baby is due August 19th...yes, I said August in 3 1/2 weeks. My stomach just did a flip-flop. The bassinet will stay right where it is! =)

Thank you for your prayers once again and we humbly ask for your continued prayers in the weeks ahead.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

prayers for tomorrow - take 2

Thank you all for your prayers on our behalf over the weekend. We just got back tonight from spending five days in Milwaukee. We didn't have Internet access there but wouldn't have had time to use it anyway. It was nice to have our minds & bodies busy for a few days. I wanted to give a quick update though on Jo:

We talked to our agency on Monday evening and learned that Jo has chosen to interview other families at this time. We have no regrets on how the interview went and feel we portrayed ourselves in a very real and honest way. It's still a bit heartbreaking though.

In the same conversation with our social worker, we learned about another birth mother that chose our profile the same week that Jo did.

And the roller coaster ride continues.

We are interviewing with this birth mother tomorrow, so we need more prayers for tomorrow. Thank you wonderful, faithful friends!!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

prayers for tomorrow

I've had the bassinet set up in our room since December. I've debated on whether to take it down many times and just in the past month decided that it's time. It's turned into a nightstand holding a collection of books, magazines & hair accessories...certainly not fulfilling the desired purpose I have for it. Last week we got a phone call from a local adoption agency that we've heard nothing from in the past year. Birth mothers look at several profiles and choose two. We were chosen as one of the two last week from a birth mom. The birth mother will meet both families and choose one. Our meeting with her is tomorrow.

Please pray for us. Pray that we would be able to answer her questions clearly...that she would get a good understanding of who we are and what we believe. Pray for God's will to be done in this little baby's life whether it be us that she chooses or the other family.

The bassinet will stay up at least one more day.
Friday Update: Thanks for your prayers!! We thought the meeting went pretty well with the birth mother...although that doesn't say a whole lot. She met with the other family yesterday. I got a call this afternoon from the agency...I thought for sure by the sound of the director's voice that she had chosen the other family. He called to say that she is having a hard time deciding between the two families and wants to take the weekend to think it over. Please pray for Jo...that she would feel at peace about her decision.

Monday, July 13, 2009

the webers are in town

Kevin's sister, Joyce, and her family from Alabama came for their annual summer visit over the 4th. They stayed with Kevin's parents in Middlebury. We pack as many visits & activities as we can in the week that they are here...making for a super busy week with a lot of driving back and forth, but sooo worth it!!

July 1st - Jason's birthday -- we also celebrated baby Jack's 1st which was the week before. It was such a delight to soak up as much sweetness as I could from this little guy in the short week we had with him. Jack was apprehensive with me when we first arrived to visit, but I didn't give up...kept hovering over him and had him smiling in no time...such a happy little guy. On the 4th, we spent the afternoon at mom and dad's and had a cookout that evening. The kids played and played and played. I love mom & dad's yard...lots of room to enjoy the outdoors. They have it well stocked with outdoor toys that the kids take full advantage of.
I could sit and just watch the kids interact and play together and be fully entertained. I love watching memories being made. There are nine grandchildren age 5 and under and these are busy ages for the kids and especially the parents. Sometimes it can feel overwhelming when we're all together tending to their needs and keeping the noise level and mess at a tolerable level, but I never would trade the times we have together...watching them grow up together...I want to celebrate it.

"I accept (times with family) like a gift or a winning lottery ticket, and I hold that ticket in my hand tightly, and I take every chance I can get to be with them, for an afternoon, for a weekend, for a vacation, and every moment feels like being given one more winning ticket." - shauna niequist Grandpa cooked hamburgers and hot dogs on a campfire. Joyce made some of her famous jalapeno poppers and stuffed mushrooms to hold our appetites till the burgers were done.Helping with the wood chopping...thankfully no fingers were taken off. =)cousins - owen, caedmon, helen, kaiya & eastonGrandpa B & KaiyaGreat grandparents were also a part of the fun of the evening.Baby Jack with Great Grandma B.Sweet uncle & niece moments - Kevin & HelenGreat-Grandma B with Owen - Great-Grandma G with KaiyaAlthough a great time was had by all, there was one family missing. Lyndon & Krista, we missed all four of you!!! Time for fireworks. Yes, it is still daylight I said before, all the kids are 5 and under...the littlest ones can get a little cranky if it goes too much past their bedtimes. =)Little Helen wasn't so sure about all the loud banging going on.She loved the sparklers though. On Sunday we met everyone in Fort Wayne at a Tincaps baseball game. Here we are sitting in the cheap lawn seats. It was perfect for the kids to be able to move around. I couldn't tell you much that happened with the game, but it sure was pleasant to sit and take in the family just being together. fun with Grandma & GrandpaJack - wearing an outfit that Caedmon wore when he was a baby.Kaiya & Helen coloring together. Before meeting everyone at the game, we had a picnic for lunch at our church. It was great sitting around outside and getting to know people better and enjoying all the delicious food choices that everyone brought. We sat under a nice shade tree across the parking lot from the playground. After we were finished eating, Kaiya asked if she could go to the playground. Although having a bit of a bad feeling about letting her cross the parking lot alone, I said she could go.
She left and played over at the playground for awhile before coming back to where Kevin and I were chatting with friends under the tree. A little while later, she asked again if she could go to the playground. Still not feeling the greatest about letting her go alone, I told her to wait and I would go with her. I got busy talking and later saw her easing her way in that direction...thinking to myself that I will need to talk with her about disobeying. As I continued to watch her cross the parking lot, she came upon a row of cars in the middle. Several people were beginning to leave and I could see a car coming toward the path they she soon would be crossing. At that moment she decided to start running, not stopping to look both ways. I watched her little yellow shirt and bouncing dark curls jerk around the car to avoid it...I held my breath. My plate went flying to the ground and I ran across the parking lot. The person behind the wheel of the car was a good friend. She got out of her car and held Kaiya in her arms because she was crying and scared. When I got to them, Kaiya was hanging onto her so tight, I couldn't get her to let go. I took her in my arms, went to the bathroom and cried. I cried tears of gratefulness to God for her safety and also tears of guilt for not taking her to the playground myself. There were more tears throughout the next 24 hours as the image of seeing her run into the path of that car would not leave my mind. I had a nightmare that night about it all. Each time I would think about it, my fists would tighten...I cried for what could have happened.
I never dreamed how terrifying being a mother could be before having children.
I read this excerpt from a book the very next day of a mother referring to her son inside her that was soon to be born:
"I am superhuman in my love for him, that if he needed me, I would fly or bend steel or wrinkle time with the force of my love. And in the same moment, I know that all mother's feel that way, and that all mothers also feel the exact inverse, the terrifying awareness that people run red lights, and that we won't be there to stand in front of our son's cars, shielding them from danger with our superhuman selves. I feel powerful and powerless in the same instant, full of rabid, crushing love, and also small and out of control and scared for all the life that my son will have to live without my protection. Parenting for me feels like a love so big I can't manage it, a force so visceral I can't contain it."
"I know that when Henry(her son) is born, I will change his diapers and feed him and keep him clean and warm. Those are the physical things I can do for him. But what I want to do for him takes my breath away. I want to twist and remake the world around his little self, to shine it up and rearrange it and make it great and special for him. I want to walk behind him, keeping an eye on him. I want every day of his life to be happy, and I feel like I could move the sun with the intensity I feel. My love is bigger than the ocean, beyond words and logic."
It was cool how God led me to read this the very next day to comfort me and know that all the tears were just a result of my love for Kaiya...that is how He loves us..only more. He also taught me that He is in control of her life...not me. If things would have turned out differently that day, He would still be there. I was reminded how much my children's lives are such precious gifts. I certainly hugged them a little tighter the next week.
Kaiya told me later, when we talked about what happened that "God made the car stop". He certainly did and I praise Him for sending His angels to protect my little girl!!!!!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

First Birthday with Fireworks

My niece, Emmi, turned one last week. My sister had her party at Pokagon on Friday night with a picnic supper and the fireworks show right after.My mom made the cutest little cake.Opening presents From the expression on her face...this one from grandma is the favorite, I think.
My sweet little Emmi, your first year has gone by so fast. You are so sweet, I could eat you up! I love it when you say "hi" in your high pitched little voice every time you see me. I love how you play the little game of tilting your head from side to side. I love you! Happy 1st birthday! Ready for fireworks!! mom & dad

I love watching fireworks at Pokagon. It's a beautiful view sitting on the grassy hill overlooking the lake. It was a nice evening...a little chilly for July, but I'm not complaining. =)

pretty Maci - my niece