One

Deacon's one-year photos were taken recently. I hired a photographer this time instead of taking them myself. So nice to sit back and let someone else take them instead of me...although I still love it. She did a wonderful job. His personality was captured so well. When we got there, he was shy...clinging to his mama with a tight grip. The above photo shows his apprehension so well. LOL.

The more photos she took, the more he relaxed and we even got some smiles after awhile. :) He loves his mama, and I'm a-ok with that. I'm just loving this stage. He's becoming more independent, but still needs me. He began walking at thirteen months. We worked and worked with him, thinking he would follow suit with his older three siblings who all walked at age one. I think he had good reason to wait till he felt more confident. I mean with everyone flying by him, going to and fro...it was a little scary for him. :) When he decided to go, he went and now he's running it seems.

Now he's really feeling comfortable!
This little booger has always eaten LIKE A BIRD...from the moment he was born! It take lots of extra effort and encouragement from mama at mealtime it seems. Funny thing is, he won't refuse ice cream, cake, candy & cookies. :) He is growing though which is good.

Grandma's favorite pose. :)
Deacon has been our earliest talker and it still amazes me how much he can say and what he trys to repeat. He favorite words lately have been: juice, tractor, book, please, thank you, candy, more, ball, mom, daddy, night night, bye bye, no, all done, Kaiya, shoes, outside, go, ears, nose, duck, hi and so on. :)His fear of strangers has all of a sudden gone away which I'm grateful for. He walks himself into the nursery like a big boy now.
He's tall and skinny. His pants don't stay up. It's not unusual at all to see him come around with his pants missing all of a sudden. He LOVES going outside. It's been such an amazing Spring and so nice to be able to go outside a lot lately. He cries and throws a fit when it's time to go in. He brings me his shoes and cries "shoes shoes shoes". He loves to go bye bye and cries and reaches his little arms up to daddy when daddy goes to work. He plays so well with his sister, Luca. She likes to be in control, but he's starting to voice his opinion too. :)He loves to read books and will bring them to me and back his little bottom up to sit on my lap. His favorites right now are the truck book and Easter lift the flap book. He's wearing size 12 month pants and 12-18 month shirts. And tiny butt is still in size 3 diapers. My sweetness, what a year it has been! It has not been an easy year. The miracle of you has been what has really gotten me through each day. I look at you everyday and still can't believe you are here...a wonderful surprise straight from God. I'm so grateful for your sweet little personality. I love how you lay your head on my shoulder when you wake up in the mornings. I love your sweet and juicy lover boy kisses! You melt my heart sweet baby boy. I love how you giggle from your gut when I chase you around the house on my knees. I love how easily you go to sleep in your crib and sleep all through the night.
I love your big baby blue eyes, your soft blonde hair and your baby soft skin. I love how you smell. I love how it seems you have no fears right now. You let the dogs that are three times your size lick your face. You just push them away. I love how you love your daddy so much. I love how you say "hi" in a low gravelly voice when I go into your room to get you out of your crib. I love you sweet baby. You are a treasure.

nine months

So hard to believe that my baby boy is ten months old already! I wanted to post some pictures from last month when he was nine months. Time is quickly flying by...each day I look at him and still can't believe he's mine. He's such a sweet treat!This little booger gets into EVERYTHING!! I've heard from my mother-in-law that his daddy was just the same. He particularly loves the pots and pans drawers and also enjoys covering my kitchen floor with ziploc baggies. Oh, and he DOES NOT hold still for one minute! Trying to change his diaper or put on clothes is like running a mini marathon...backwards. I'm all sweaty and worn out when done with that task...well, I guess it's not exactly that bad, but it does take a lot of extra energy that I don't have an extra supply of right now...I used that energy picking up all the ziploc baggies for the 100th time :) He tries to copy everything. In the picture above he's saying "boo" because that is what I was saying to try to get his attention and make him smile for the picture. He says mama, dada, boo, bye-bye, uh-oh, all done and signs thank-you. He pulls himself up to all the furniture and can walk around while holding on. He has THE TINIEST butt I've ever seen! Still in size 2 diapers. :)He loves to swing and has the most hilarious deep-down-from-your-gut kind of laugh. He makes me smile everyday. He's getting quite the little mop on his head. I love his sweet soft blonde curls.
Can't believe he's going to be one so soon!

the day you were born

On Friday evening December 17th, Kevin dropped the kids off at my parents while I finished the final packing preparations for our departure early the next morning. We were scheduled to be induced at 7:30 am on December 18th 2010. I had such a mixture of emotions that evening. Excited beyond measure to finally meet and hold my newborn son, sad that this was my last day to be pregnant and nervous and scared for the unknown of how the next day would unfold. I tossed and turned that night and slept until around 3 am. Kevin awakened at that time as well...most likely from all the tossing and turning I was doing. We got out of bed around 4am, took showers, loaded the car, placed the car seat in the backseat, and pulled out of the driveway at 6:45am.
We arrived at the hospital and I was escorted by wheelchair to the room where I would deliver my son 10 1/2 hours later.
I was given a medication to soften the cervix and start contractions going...and let me tell you, those contractions kicked in right away. It was quickly evident that I was having back labor. My wonderful coach stayed by my side the entire time the whole day...not even taking a break to eat. I felt the most relief when using the stability ball, but baby didn't like it as much as I did...his heart rate dropped a bit...so I had to stop using the ball and lie down for fifteen minutes. I decided I wanted to get up and walk the halls, but as I was heading for the door the contractions increased in intensity and were excruciating. We decided it was a good time to get the epidural. So back into bed I climbed.

My coach gives the best foot massages.

The epidural immediately gave me relief from the intensity of the contractions and I was feeling so much better....thinking to myself, now I can relax and enjoy the rest of my labor.

Forty minutes later, six nurses came rushing into our room and began moving me into different positions. I asked what was happening and they said very little to me...only that baby's heart rate was too low. They gave me an oxygen mask to wear and told me to take deep breaths. It was a very scary few minutes. Finally his heart rate returned to normal after five minutes...being on my hands and knees is what they felt took the pressure off his umbilical cord. Contractions were coming strong...one right on top of another. I didn't feel them much at this point because of the epidural, but the doctor said that also may have been what caused the baby to be under stress. If his heart rate would have stayed down for three more minutes, an emergency C-section would have needed to be done. His heart rate dropped three more times after that, I was sure that I would have to have a C-section. I really didn't want to go that route, but obviously would do whatever needed to be done to make sure our little guy arrived safely.

The nurses felt lying on my back would be the best position for me and would keep pressure off the cord. I was miserable though. I felt like I couldn't breathe very well. I just wanted to sit up. Finally I asked one of the nurses if I could sit up and I did. I felt like I could breathe again and just felt so much better. It was from that point on that baby's heart rate stayed strong and normal. I was feeling renewed and refreshed again at this point in the day...enjoying this stage of my labor.

Here's Kevin updating his status on Facebook once again.

Contractions continued and I started feeling them more again...breathing through each one.
I started dilating quickly going from 4cm to 7cm to 9.5cm.

It's almost time.
It was time to start pushing. I was feeling rested, excited and ready. After a few practice pushes I felt the adrenaline kicking in.

Half an hour passed and pushing started to intensify.

An hour and a half passed and still pushing...not giving up...giving it every ounce of energy I had.
Feeling exhausted at this point, I didn't know if I could do this. Kevin was an amazing support and encourager. I couldn't have done it without him. Love that man! And after two excruciating hours of pushing and pain...

...our miracle son, Deacon Liam Bontrager, came into this world weighing 7 pounds 3 ounces and measuring 21 1/2 inches.

They placed him on my chest and Kevin cut the cord. Notice the nurse with the stethoscope isn't smiling, but very serious. Deacon was not crying or breathing at this point. They also were not finding a heart beat. About as quickly as they placed him on my chest, they whisked him away to several NICU nurses that were waiting in our room just in case because of his low heart rate earlier.

Another very scary time for us. I kept asking the nurse why he wasn't crying and she just squeezed and held my hand. Finally we heard his first cry after what seemed like forever...sweet music to our ears.

Deacon: Servant, Messenger Liam: Protector

Kevin held him first and brought him over to me.

And I felt an overwhelming instant sense of joy and love for this little guy...the exact same feeling I felt three other times in my life.Here is our awesome family waiting so patiently in the waiting area to celebrate our baby's arrival.
Here is Kevin sharing the news with BIG brother Caedmon.He's finally telling them the name of their new baby brother. They've been waiting and anticipating this day for a long time.
And sweet little Luca Bella, only 16 months old, has no idea what's going on....she just likes the extra attention she's been getting from grandma.

Finally meeting their baby brother for the first time.

Caedmon has a brother.



BIG sister, Kaiya is going to be a big help. The last couple of weeks, she was getting a little impatient and kept saying she couldn't wait to hold her baby brother. She finally gets to now.

First family photo...now a family of six.

Photography by Suzanne Michelle Photography